are you still mad I kicked you out of bed?are you still mad I gave you ultimatums?are you still mad I compared you to allmy forty year old male friends?are you still mad I shared our problemswith everybody? are you still mad I had an emotional affair?are you still mad I tried to mold you
i’d be lying if I said I was completely unscathedI might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliationwould I be letting you win in my non reaction?how would I explain?how would I explain this to my children if I had them?because I can’t notbecause I can’t notbecause I can’t afford to be
i’ve seen them kneelwith baited breath for the rituali’ve watched this experience raisethem to pseudo higher levelsi’ve watched them leave their familiesin pursuit of your nirvanai’ve seen them coming to line upfrom switzerland to america how long will this take babahow long have we been sleepingdo you see me hanging on toevery word you sayhow
That I would be good even if I did nothingThat I would be good even if I got the thumbs downThat I would be good if I got and stayed sickThat I would be good even if I gained ten pounds That I would be fine even if I went bankruptThat I would be good
Oh these little rejections how they add up quicklyOne small sideways look and I feel so ungoodSomewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to makeMe feel the way I thought only my father could Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to meOne forgotten birthday I’m all but cooked
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